Walk of Shame

Why am I so quick to post my failures? Is it a need to vent my frustration? No I don’t think so.

Maybe it is my sick, twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour that feels I can only get a laugh if point out my flaws. It’s not enough just to admit them but I have to shine a spotlight and pronounce them for all the world to see.

Maybe I post them to help shatter the perfect mom image that we are all trying to meet. You know I’m keeping it real.

Well, whatever the reason, today is a doozy and the day isn’t over yet. Oh yah. So today my schedule had me homeschooling, cleaning, working on a family history assignment,meeting technicians, preparing for a Relief Society service project, preparing a nursery donation insert for the service sheet, and all other house hold duties. To top it all of I forgot to pull bread out from the freezer last night so I couldn’t make lunches. Because I couldn’t make lunches, I would have to bring Tweedle D home and get him back before the hour (55min) was over.

I got home from dropping Tweedle D at school, and sent Tweedle E to his room to read. During that time I was supposed to get my Family history assignment done. I called all my sisters, to only find out no one was home. Oh well, I’ll get it typed up anyway and just make changes when I get ahold of them. Multitasking at it’s finest. Just as I was finishing up I noticed the technician who was supposed to call hadn’t yet, so I put in a call to the service company to find out what was going on. After that all my sistas were returning the phone calls. They really were nice to time it one right after another. This is where it got away from me.

Needless to say I lost track of time and forgot about Tweedle D. I didn’t forget him by just mere minutes, nope 20. Yes thats right 20 minutes. Thank goodness he is so understanding. Maybe he is used to me being such a flake. So by the time I got to the school to pick him up, there was no time to make a meal and get him back.

FAST FREAKING FOOD it was. This horrible habit, crutch if you will, that I have been trying to break. Truly I am embarrassed. WHY OH WHY CAN I NOT SHAKE YOU!!!!

Ahem.

So against my will, my story I’m sticking to it, I went to McDonalds, pulled in to the parking lot and went inside. I was trying to save the environment by not running the car and I didn’t want to see the face of the all too familiar drive through man. He is nice and all, but I’m sure he knows my face by now and is therefore judging me.

As I grabbed the door to the “restaurant”, I realized I had my wallet, my phone (incase the tech calls), and no keys. NO KEYS! I specifically remember locking the door. OH NO!

Shamefully I called Mr. Wonderful, who justifiably was annoyed, reminded me that there were another set of keys at home and I should go get them. I was coming to the same conclusion as I was talking to him and  felt kinda stupid for calling. So there I was, walking a main street in Calgary, carrying two bags of “food” for my children followed by a teenager carrying 2 mediums and a small of high fructose corn syrup. It wasn’t really that far, but it was cold. I didn’t bring a coat. I didn’t bring a coat because I forgot my son, I was driving and in a hurry. Smart eh? It’s Canada and it’s January. What could happen?

I’m awesome.

Anyway Tweedle D was late and will probably have cancer because I feed him crap like that. What I didn’t tell you is we are out of Breakfast stuff and so I bought him a doughnut for breakfast. Oh yes I did. He talked me into it. Why not? I never do that and we were definitely not going to have fast food for lunch.

I’ll take my mom of the year award now.

Honestly…

…I wish I was creative and brilliant. I can be, it’s just not the season for it.

…I wish I was more patient with my children, when they shut down, I shut down. I don’t know what it is, but seriously that has got to change.

…I wish I ate better. I’m doing better than I was in the past but still there is huge room for improvement. Did you know there is more caffeine in a soda than in green tea? Almost twice as much per 8 oz. I find that interesting.

…I wish I was a better house keeper. I think that the frustration I feel sometimes is due to clutter. I try to spend time cleaning but there are really only so many hours in a day.

…It is possible to multitask too many things and have some/all of it fail.

…I need to not let others lives colour my own.

…I need to worry less about money and start handling it.

…I am so glad that I took Tweedle E to the home schooling co-op. Thats one goal I can check off my list.

…I need to stop worrying about my forehead wrinkles. I’m getting older get over it, plus that worry is probably not helping with the wrinkles.

 

Love Bugs

While I have a few minutes, Tweedle E is practicing his piano, I am looking over valentine crafts to do with my nursery class. We have a lot of young ones this year (18 months) so I’m trying to find things that are easy. In the past I have just given them a valentine, but I thought maybe this year, they could make something.

I totally Loved this idea from Skip to My Lou, but lately I have a thing about giving the kids candy. I want to give them a treat, but there are some who’s sugar consumption is off the charts even without my contribution. So instead, I refrain. Makes me sad, cause I am really good at making treats. At least I think so.

Anyway, if I could just figure out something that those little fingers with their muffled dexterity could do that doesn’t look like junk, that would be great. If you interneters could help me, that would be great too. Great! Now we are all great!

Oh and by the way, if you have a man who likes chocolate, check out this candy bar wrapper printable link.

Would love to do this in My Living Room. I have 3 Kids. It would be Perfect.

Third time is the charm?

I’d like to introduce you to Taloolah. that’s the name of my new camera. I bought her with my camera money. I did not go into debt with her. Yay me!

What? She doesn’t look like my canon 60D with a 18-200 image stabilization zoom lens? You’re right she doesn’t and sadly for the 3rd time I have had to use my camera money for something that it wasn’t meant for, but I am at peace.

I still have a hope that when income tax comes around I can use some to just buy a body. It probably won’t happen but I can still hope. Then next year at this time I can get a lens or maybe my family can listen to me when I say all I want is money towards my camera. Then again I’m not good at listening to them. Apparently Tweedle D only wanted a tie for Christmas and he didn’t get that either.

C’est la vie.

 

The Other Side

Seriously do I only come here to complain? I am a happy person, honestly. I do happy things things, but then I don’t post them or I think I do happy things but then don’t post them and consequently forget them. How sad.

Unfortunately, today I am sad. Again. I don’t think its a depression for I don’t remember waking sad and yesterday I was not sad. Exhausted, but not sad. My sad is for a loss. No one was died, but it sometimes feels that way. If I had the courage I might actually write this letter, but courage fails me now. I am afraid if I write this letter it will make things worse and I will lose even more.

Dear Friend

People are aloud to make their own choices and choose their own path. I understand that in theory, but I am human and I had dreams. Sure they were not YOUR dreams, and you never knew about them, so how can you be held accountable. I’m pretty sure my dreams that included you were not within my jurisdiction so again how can you be held accountable. And yes those dreams were very unlikely so what’s the big deal right? The big deal was they were happy hopeful dreams and they were possible up until moments ago and now they are not.

You are right. Its your life. I am not denying that. I’m not even going to fight you about it, because no matter what I will say it won’t make a difference. at least not right now. But you will have to excuse me if I don’t jump for joy at your decision. What you may have forgotten is the journey that brought you to this point was a process that took months, maybe even years. It may have been a painful one too, but you have wrestled and come out on the other side. I only heard it a short time ago and I too need to process.

I said you could tell me anything and I stand by that. I will still love you. I will still listen to your Journey, because that is what friends do. Thats what family does, but if it hurts me you cannot fault me for that. Remember my dreams. They died just moments ago and I am grieving, I am grieving because I care.

Love Me

 

 

 

 

Barely

Please note this may be a bit of a depressing post. My plan is to distract you from that fact with colour and pictures from a time when I did have a camera and a computer that would let me upload photos.

My last post was a bit of a download of my feels about home schooling and my busy life. Things haven’t changed much except that since then Our net book has gotten a virus, the roof got ripped up in a windstorm, I made a mistake in the purchase of a TV stand I love, and the water was shut off.

 

 

The water is back on now. I made cuts into Loved TV stand only to find out when measuring the amp I should have accounted for the knob and cord hook up in the back. I proceeded with roof repairs without consulting an insurance agent and just notified the landlord, we will see how that goes. As for the net book it was being held ransom by some spyware. I think I fixed it on my own. So I’m feeling pretty good about that one.

 

Home Schooling and work are still conflicting and truthfully I would just love to toss it all and work on cleaning my house. So I’m kinda doing that today and maybe tomorrow. Tweedle E is taking it easy doing some little things here and there. Its not a complete break.

Please don’t judge.

I’m still in “midreno”. Its not a real renovation, no walls have been harmed in the painting of my kitchen (which isn’t done). I am still in need of another bookcase and some doors to finish a look in my living room. I hate it when things aren’t finished, but that seems to be the story of my life.

My aunt was diagnosed with cancer back in July/ August. She began radiation treatments and chemo in September. She saw he doctor in November and it appears that the tumor hasn’t shrunk. This has been quite a blow as the treatments have been really hard on her. She has lost over 20 lbs and is in pain constantly. My cousin came to help a second time since August and has told us there is one positive. Her pain is easing up a bit. For that I am grateful. 

Can I just interject here? I just want to say “I HATE CANCER!” When my sister’s niece said it was an evil dragon she was right. It is an ugly disease that not only takes apart families, but it takes away your dignity or at least tries very hard too.

My aunt and her immediate family are amazing. They have so much faith. Not the kind of blind, she will be healed no mater what, faith. They have the faith that God will do what is best for her. They are fighting the cancer so she can live, but if that is not what happens, they are ok with it. I truly admire them and really how can I complain. I still get my runs in, my kids are healthy, we have a roof over our head (all be it a temporary one), we have sufficient for our needs. 

In other news, my husband gets the week between Christmas and New Years off. That hasn’t happened since… ever. I don’t know what to do with him. Maybe I should focus on that… and get back to my house. I can’t take too much of a break or the judges who judge and find my blog by googling, will use it for fodder.

Hope you liked my pictures.

 

Yawn, Download

I am coming from a place of pure exhaustion. I haven’t been sleeping well for a month. Tweedle 3′s sleep patterns are all askew. He wakes up every night at least once. Mostly to go to the bathroom or get a drink or both, but its dark. He is little and consequently  he comes to the one who gives him comfort. Me. I’m ok with it, but I would like to have a reprieve once in a while, but how can you say no to him?

Home schooling is going. It’s definitely not all fun and roses. I do feel Tweedle E is getting more out of being at home, but I wonder at times the toll this is taking on our own personal relationship. Math is going well and we are finally getting into the writing. He is enjoying reading and finished his third book. We took a break from First Nations people of Canada as Neither He nor I were inspired. We are now studying Ancient Greece as that is what he is interested in right now.

Home schooling takes a lot of my energy and with work being so busy and demanding I hardly have time for much else. My home is a bit of a disaster and laundry is behind. Thankfully its not so behind, people still have clothes to wear. I’m not sure about the pace I am keeping. I feel as though I am able to “keep up” now, but in the no too distant future something will have to go. Right now I am not sure what that is.

The Bishop (Mr. Wonderful) is busy doing his bishop stuff and work has been so busy that he is feeling the pressure. I don’t feel as though our family is neglected. He does his best to make time, but even when he can’t it’s alright. I know where he is (figuratively, he doesn’t tell me anything. Clergy are supposed to keep confidences) and it’s not like we are in a crisis. We’re good.

The days are shorter and the nights are longer. I feel like curling up in my royal blue snuggie and sleeping till spring. I haven’t exercised all that much this week so that might have something to do with my tiredness. I’m more munchie too. I think there is a natural instinct to become more sedentary  in the latter part of the year. I have no proof of this but I can see how putting on some “winter weight” would have been necessary for survival back before there was central heating. Its hard to fight evolution.

Yawn, pass the chips chocolate.

It Came a little early this year.

Maybe it’s because the snow is still on the ground in places, and maybe because we are about to dip to unspeakable temperatures, but I have been wanting to decorate. In fact it was all I could do to resist the urge to decorate before Remembrance Day. Growing up we had a tradition of waiting till the first Monday in December to put up the tree.  Mr. Wonderful says that is too early. Bah___!

So I’ve decided to wait to put up the tree. I’ll give it another week, but that hasn’t stopped me from fixing the  star lights to the window frame, or putting my wreath on the door. We (myself and the kids) have taken to making snow flakes. Star Wars ones. Perhaps you have seen them. We have only made two, and might I suggest an exacto- knife. There are some pretty intricate cuts to be made.

Here is something I came across last year and thought “COOL”. If I had more time, a modern house, and wouldn’t miss the glow that comes from the twinkly lights, I might attempt something like it.

Well happy decorating, and if you see anything else cool let me know.

 

The Man

You see, I’ve got this husband who is generous, loving and kind. He is also a very social animal (and by animal I mean all the good things that come with that term, we do belong to that Kingdom). Anyway….

Every year I try to think of something fantastic, original and frankly awesome to get my sweet man for Christmas. So here is the conundrum. He doesn’t “want” anything. Sure there are things he would like, be he doesn’t really need them and therefore doesn’t “want” them. They (they being the things he would like) would just be one more thing that clutters our already tiny space. If I get him anything, it has to be FANTASTIC, AWESOME or OUTSTANDING. It has to be worth the real-estate that this item will take up in our home.

Last year I started a quillow for him and he came home at a not common time and wrecked the whole surprise. Most of the fun is in the surprise and sadly after that was taken away I haven’t made much progress. I still plan on finishing it, I just don’t want that to be his gift for Christmas this year. How cheap can a wife get? Really??!!!

So here I apply to you, the internet, who know my husband less than I do, but might have better ideas, HELP! What would you get your man for Christmas. It’s so ironic that I would ask people for ideas to pass off as original thought, but here I am.

Purrrfect

Tonight was what I needed. Homeschooling, working, house keeping, serving it can all be very taxing. It can make me feel like I need to run away. Maybe that is why I run. Hmmm. Anyway, being pulled in many directions, and doing a not so good job at anything can give you a bit if a low self esteem.

Often the stress from being with the kids all day and night, leads me to finding moments when I can just be alone, but not tonight. It was just me and the boys, no dirty house, no phone calls, no emails, and surprisingly no fighting. Ok maybe a bit of picking but not enough to make my skin crawl. It probably helped we went to see a movie (so no talking) and I separated the main culprits.

We saw the movie Puss in Boots. I was fully expecting it to be juvenile, and frankly below me. Not in a it’s not worth my time kind of way, but in an I am not a 6 year old boy kind of way.

When we walked in the theater I thought we had the wrong one. It was mostly filled with adults. I even had Tweedle D go out and make sure we were where we were supposed to be. The last thing I wanted was a Texas Chainsaw moment or worse yet a 9and a 1/2 weeks moment to flash on the screen and scar my kids for life.

The part I liked most was the relaxed enjoyment of one another’s company with no pressures. We had planned a weekend like this and it got cancelled so for us to have these two hours of heaven was a miracle. Truly it was.

I’m excited for next weekend and am looking forward to having nothing to do. I am going to try to not to book anything work or church related, because in a couple of weeks our weekends are not our own until January.

Maybe we will take a day trip, get out of the house, away from the blessed TV a find some fun. Take the weekend we were supposed too, this weekend.