It’s dark. Early morning. The glow from the screen is lighting my face and the small area around my hand that holds it.

I am glued the the flight tracker that monitors the plane. The plane holds a piece of my heart and it is on the other side of the world. 15 minutes till it lands. I can’t hold my breath for that long. I’ve tried. Instead, I am holding what is left of my heart and sending prayers.

I don’t think I have ever prayed so hard in my life like I have in the last 26 hours. Prayed so much that the prayer became more than a thought. It became physical. Tangible. It became water in my eyes and a force flowing out of me toward heaven and then to my piece of heart. I don’t know exactly where he was but I could see it finding him, encircling him. I prayed as if I had the power to move planes and people to my will. Maybe I did. “Please make your gate! Please be on time! Please ask for help. Please, please, please.”

And now you are almost there. 4 minutes.

Soon my prayers will start up again. Actually they have already started. I can feel them on my cheek and pillow. I am not sure if I have the stamina for this but I push through because it’s the only thing I can do. It’s the only power I have left. Thank God it’s a strong one.



Today there was snow. Wet, heavy-ish snow. The kind that sounded like popping bubble wrap as you walked upon it. It was warmish, as warm as it can get and still have snow on the ground. It’s really the second snowfall of the season, but the first to actually need shovelling. I like snow when it’s like this and I like it even better because it’s new.

As I was walking back home, I came to the part where I met the solitary tracks of my son and I that were just made minutes before. I all of sudden was grateful for those tracks. I saw where I turned to see if he was close by. I noticed there is a slight drag in the heel of his step, undoubtedly caused by the dragging or shuffling of his feet. New boots can be heavy. I imagined our presences passing me on the way to school and saw that we were happy.

I often walk him to school because I am thinking of the environment or time. It’s faster for us to walk most days because we live so close, but we also walk because of him. He loves the walk. He is always insisting us to walk. Some mornings when i’m tired or when I am freezing, I have a hard time understanding why. But today, today I think I might have gotten a glimpse.

In Body and In Spirit

Today was the first time in a long time that I was excited to get up to read scriptures. I used to be a “morning person”, but somewhere along the way, I think between the ages of 16 and 24, I became a night owl. Then I had my babies and I became a narcoleptic. Not really, but my best sleeping times seem to be between the hours of 5:30am to 10:00am. Just when everyone else is getting ready for the day, all I want to do is drift off to dreamland.

So back to scriptures, a few years ago our family just decided to just do it. The time that worked best for us was 6:30am. I promised the Mad Hatter that I would support him, so I try very hard not to complain, and I think for the most part I do fantastic at that, but you can see why I am not excited on the inside to get up for scriptures.


Last night, as a result of the “MONSTEROUS SNOWPOLCOLIPS” that hit Calgary, I thought it would be nice to read scriptures by a fire. I thought that it would feel cozy and would keep all of us awake or at least a little more alert while reading said scripture. The only problem is we don’t have a fireplace. Believe me it was on the list for purchasing a home, as was garage and dinning room, but sometimes one needs to compromise. So when you can’t have an actual fireplace, the next best think is a virtual one…right?

Enter in Netflix “fireplace for your home” episode. Can you believe they have that? Seems kind of silly, but I guess I am not the only one who needed to compromise.

I guess you can get virtual fireplaces on youtube too

And it worked. I am not saying a crackling fireplace is the “magic pill” for improving my families attitude, but it was a reminder that sometimes changing things up and preparing ourselves physically for insight spiritually is necessary. Didn’t Jesus feed the 5000 because he could see that their physical discomfort was interfering with their ability to understand the word? That and compassion.

I give this another week and I think I will have to change things up again. I will have to sock away the fireplace for another time. Slowly as we improve the physical, hopefully, the spiritual will come along with it. Almost anything is better than the scattered bodies hiding under blankets sleeping through the Mad Hatters readings, because that is what it has been since we moved. It also helps that we now have couches.


I haven’t been on here for a while. I’d like to say it’s because I have been off galavanting around doing the most fun things and then falling into bed exhausted too tired to write. But I haven’t. I can’t. The summer began quickly. On July 1st the family borded a plane to NY to visit my sister and take in all the sites we could cram in the next week or so. We splashed in the atlantic, saw a lighthouse, walked central park, took the subway, went to the Met (museum), top of the rocked, bottom of the rocked, coney islanded, port jeffersoned, battery parked, 4th of julyed, 5th of julyed. It was fast, it was busy and when we got of the plane in Calgary it felt like we hadn’t even gone. That is where the Galavanting ended.

Shortly after our return home, I was feeling sluggish and piggish and decided to go for a quick run before taking the kids to swimming lessons. 3/4 of the way in, I took a tumble. Leg broken (I think it’s my tibial plateau) and mobility compromised. I was told six weeks-ish and that is tomorrow. I don’t see the doctor for another week though and from what I have read, 7 weeks isn’t really long enough. Ugh. I really wonder why they call us patients because honestly I don’t have any. I make a terrible shut in and have moments of intense self pity. Those mostly come when I am by myself and thinking about how my body will never be the same. Will I run again? Can I ride a bike?

The worst part is, when anyone asks me what happened, I realize more and more how in the dark I am about my condition. As I said earlier I think it’s the tibial plateau, but I don’t know for sure. I haven’t even seen the x-rays. I feel stupid. Now I am also scared and nervous. In one week what are they going to say? Questions come well after the initial appointment and there is no one to ask. What if they were wrong? what if it’s slightly displaced and I have to start all over? What kind of time table am I looking at for healing? Will there be physio? Do I schedule that with my family doc? How far should I be able to bend my knee? I don’t really think in my state of mind right now I can take bad news.

The worst news would be starting all over. Bad news would be keep doing what I’m doing (no driving, no getting out, basically sit in my house all day). One, no matter how strong they are, can’t get very far on crutches with no weight baring. I need to be able to drive. My job needs it, my mental state needs it and my family needs it.

I have a list of things I want to do when I can get around more. I want to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair done. It’s been a while and I feel kind of shaggy. I also want to be able to put on pants. Summer is almost over and it gets cold quick here.

I try to think positively, and the more I am around people, the more that is possible. Unless they are my kids who are so bored and all they do is fight, then I am pitiful. I try to remind myself that it could be worse. I am grateful it’s not winter. I am grateful my new house doesn’t have as many stairs. Yes I have a new house, but the shine of it has been shadowed by my leg. As far as I know, my ligaments are fine. I also have a husband that is very patient and my boys are having to learn how to do things. Thinking positively is hard. I am beyond the why me stage, but the monotony of this knocks me a little lower each day. Maybe I need a new book to read.

Getting Rad-i-fied

Last Saturday, the twiddles and I decided to get our run on. We signed up, whole family, back in February to do Colour Me Rad. It’s a fun run/walk where you colour bomb everyone. You get a shirt, sunglasses and some awesome temporary tattoos to complete the package. For Calgary, the course weaves up C.O.P to the top of the bob lead run and then down and around to the finish all the while clouds of coloured cornstarch is thrown around. There are certain colour stations that the people running the show toss their own supply at you. I think the only think that would make it better is if Cindy Lauper were there with here 80’s awesomeness.

Now this race is not about the time, it’s about the line. There is no pressure to run the fastest or be the best, unless you are a Kneelanderthal. It’s just to get people moving and have the most fun while doing it.

Sadly, the Mad Hatter wasn’t able to join us. He had Bishopy things to do. His priorities were in the right place even though we missed him. My friend Bonnie joined us and she was such a trooper having never done this before. She might even to it again.




my phone in the protective ziplock being carried where I can only carry it when my hands are full. I am still a sherpa even during a race


I swear my kids got all my swagger and I have nothing left. NOTHING.



We met up near the end of the race with Lisa, Matt, Brendan, Nadia and Q. Lisa managed to snap some pictures which are in this post. Thanks so much because apparently every picture I took had my plastic protective ziplock in it and since I couldn’t see because the sun was too bright. Just so you know adjusting the brightness requires being able to see the phone to make it brighter so I was snapping willy nilly and a ziplock.



Easter at home

With the way things have been going, it feels good to spend an Easter at home.Only one day of slight travel (across town) to my sister’s on Friday. She is hosting for the  first time. Sadly her kids couldn’t be there, the were with their dad, but it was fun all the same. My older kids haven’t spent much time with Aunty Jen since before she got married and Tweedle 3 can count the number of times he has seen her on one hand. Circumstances being what they are, she is finally free to enjoy the love of her family again. So we celebrated anyway. She looks so much happier and healthier. Sure things are hard and they will be for a while but if it’s right, then it’s right. The only one who can know if it’s right is her and her Heavenly Father.


Yesterday (Saturday) we had the opportunity to clean the church. I know it’s weird but my kids love to clean the church and I figure I had better take them up on that. The certainly aren’t learning to clean all that well at home (it’s getting better) so they can learn at the church, where the company is good. My sister has a saying anything is fun if you have your friends. We were on vacuum duty and the boys helped clean surfaces. After the church we settled on colouring eggs and then a movie. Rio 2. Tweedle 3 would probably give the movie *****. There were things that I liked but it was kind of weird. I know I’m not their target market so I’m sure it’s fantastic. I would give it ***.


Today, we got bunnied and then we went to church. Following church we rolled eggs. I know egg rolling isn’t that popular but the Mad Hatter told me today he only knows that my family rolls eggs. This couldn’t possibly be so. I took an informal poll and so far, through third hand, one other family that isn’t related to me on my dad’s side rolls eggs. Surely it’s more popular than that. Oh well. It’s what we do. That’s how we roll.





Resolved or At Least Thinking About It.


How is that for commitment? Hmmm maybe that should be my resolution, making a decision and committing. Maybe. Anyway. I don’t like the idea of resolutions and yet I do. I like having a marked set of time, a measurable deadline to which one could be held accountable. I don’t like new years resolutions because everyone else is doing them and then not doing them. I don’t want my goals lost in the noise and because no one else is doing them, feel no drive to complete them. I don’t want to be a lemming. This need to not be one of the crowed has often kept me from doing things that would probably be good for me or enjoyable and yet I crave blending in and not being apart of a spotlight. It must be really hard to be me, but I don’t know anything else so….

Back to the goals.

1. Save Money: My last post was a chart that has a plan to save a significant amount of money. Already put my $1 in an account last week. So far so good.

2. Bake More: This one goes again almost every cell that is in my body. I have a fear that if I bake I will eat it, but after spending $200 in the last 3 days (not a regular shopping run) I need to do it. My kids (2 teenage boys and a growing 6 year old) are eating in such volumes that I cannot afford to run to the store to save time to buy snacks so that they can be filled. I also believe that if I save more where the food is concerned then we can have some exciting experience.

3. Start Lifting weights: Last year was a milestone birthday. I went to the doctor for a checkup and she came in and told me my warranty was up. I thought it was funny…sort of. Anyway she is a bit older than me so I guess she would know. I have read and anecdotally found that as you get older the ability to get to a healthy weight by burning cardio disappears. I also hate milk and I need to fight osteoporosis to heavy lifting is my plan. I had an assessment done. I am lucky that I can trade favours for this personal training. Today I don’t go to yoga because my legs (inner thighs) hurt so bad and I’m running tomorrow hopefully. I’m a little nervous that my actually work out will leave me unable to walk.

4. Be more Prayerful: I have been spiritually coasting, it feels like, for the last while. I’m a believer but I kind of feel more of an acquaintance relationship with my maker than I would like. I want to feel more. I would like to turn more over to the Saviour. He has asked my to do it and promised burdens will be lighter and who doesn’t want that?

So these are my hopes for the next year. If I added more I think that I would be setting myself up for failure. I am worried this might be too much but I’m going to be kind to myself and if I run to the store to quickly get some muffins because I didn’t have time to make food, I’m going to cut myself some slack.





So 2013 started strong we had some good things happen.

The School started to take Tweedle E’s case seriously and evaluated him. He now has teachers who understand him, or at least are trying to. They’re relationship is strong enough that he can be called out and still feels like it’s safe. His learning co-ordinator is leaving in Feb to have a baby girl. I’m a little nervous about that, but he is on the schools radar at least so hopefully the transition will go well.

The Mad Hatter, got to go to a conference in Vegas and he had a good time. He got to see one of his favourite mission companions. He liked it so much that he wants to take me this year for our Anniversary/ conference. By the time the trip comes around I will probably be wanting to leave the icy cold so bad. Have I mentioned how much I dislike winter? Yeah I think I have.

Tweedle D got to register for Basketball and is really enjoying it. Their team is currently undefeated so they have moved up 2 divisions. They should start losing soon. I know that sounds terrible, but they need to experience it sometime. Tweedle D always plays better when I am not watching. I have missed almost all of his baskets, usually because I am taking twiddle 3 to the bathroom.

Tweedle 3 took Gymnastics early in the year and really loved it. I keep missing registration and so he hasn’t taken it since. He was invited to join the pre-competative team, but that would mean 6 hours/ week practice and almost $3000 for the year. I really wanted to but funds just wouldn’t allow it as The Mad Hatter Had cataract surgery and it wasn’t completely covered. But that is another story. Anyway still trying to get Tweedle 3 into Gymnastics again.

I also have been trying to keep active. Running is still on my radar, but around April, my ability to run consistently and healthily kinda went the way of the dodo. I was still able to run the Waterton to Glacier Relay in June, despite all the flooding. It was bound to happen sometime. Life always does. My hope is this year that I will be able to make more time and improve my running. *Fingers crossed*

As I said flooding happened. We as a family we lucky enough to be protected  because we were on a hill, but all around us was devastation. As of now there are still people not in their homes. Stress has been high and people are really feeling it. Hopefully, things have turned a corner. Most of the shops around us are open but there are a few that won’t open until March or April.

So yeah, The Mad Hatter had cataract surgery. He now has new lenses in both eyes, that are highly reflective (his eyes look like those of an animal when light hits them), but he only needs reading glasses. So yay.

This summer our family got to travel to Nauvoo to visit the Hatters parents who were serving a mission there. We also got to visit a cousin of mine and spend a few days in Chicago. We went by way of train. It wasn’t my favourite way to travel but I’d do it again if we ever decide to travel to Chicago again. There are things that I would do differently, but that would be the same if we traveled any other way. You alter things to make it more comfortable. See my train tips here.


This flinter (fall +winter) things got a little stressful and busy. It’s been hard but amid all the uncertainty and hurt my two older tweddles got to participate in the 50th Anniversary of The Calgary Nativity Pageant put on by our church. It was a great experience for them and it was a great distraction from all the crap. I think they made a wonderful stable boy and tax collector. They looked so good in their eye makeup and I got to give them tutorial on how to remove makeup. Despite it making their eyes pop, they don’t like the look for everyday life. Oh well at least we got to share these last few days on some common ground.

More Fall Walking

November 21, 2013

Yesterday was even worse than the day before, but today, today is down right balmy. I even wore a dress. I joked with Tweedle D that he was lucky I didn’t show up to the school in a bikini. He wasn’t at all phased. He knew I was bluffing. I’ve got to work on my bluffs.


Today (December 2) is back to crappy. I’m thinking I need to get some lady long johns. The pair I have right now is hanging on by it’s last threads. Figuratively. I wanted to say Literally, but that would not be true. They are my sunday johns though because they are so… wait for it… Hol(e)y

Well enough about that.



Here we are trying our hands at some leaf shots. I think they still need some work. Perhaps a new setting.


We also found a row of Reverends. The headstones must all be new, because for all the years we have walking in this cemetery we thought we would have noticed this before.


Enjoying the light.


A view of the city


A view of the family. Yeah that was a good day. Thanksgiving Canadian style. So much to be thankful for.