14 weeks

That doesn’t seem that long, but it sure feels like it. If my break were a fetus, I’d be through the first trimester. I seriously don’t know why I keep comparing this to pregnancy, it really isn’t anything like it (other than the fact that I can’t walk totally normal, and the I’m measuring time in weeks). Oh yeah and my hips hurt.

It’s also been 7 weeks since I have been mobile and weight bearing. Friday will be my last “free” physio appointment. I can almost bend my leg back to the point of grabbing it. I suspect some of my extra weight and atrophied flesh might have something to do with the inability to get it all the way back. Really it’s not as bad as it sounds, but every little bit has an affect.

Last week I had a follow up at the cast clinic. The bone Dr. said everything looks healed the plateau is nice and smooth. He is sure I won’ t have arthritis. He says he doesn’t need to see me again. So yay. I guess everything is going according to schedule bone wise. 3 months to heal is what the inter web says and thats where I am at.

Strength will be another story. I have been walking a lot, mostly because I don’t want to pay for gas, but my leg is back to hurting all the time. I have also progressed to exercises that need special equipment so I am caught between the do I go buy the equipment so I can do this at home, or do I get a gym membership/ pass to use their equipment. Neither route is cheap and with starting to pay for physio, we could be eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches for the next month or so. It is my knee, and although they are replaceable, I am kind of attached to this one so I need to suck it up and spend the money. I hate spending money, well large amounts of money that I had no clue I was going to have to spend 3 months ago.

Enough about money. Now the symptoms (lack of a better word) and progression

Sleeping is getting better, sometimes. I still use a pillow to align my body properly. Right now I am laid up with a magic bag as I think I may have over exerted myself with my workout and extensive walking. I will probably have to roll out my quad tonight. I am also experiencing pain occasionally that comes on unexpected while walking. It tends to be located over or just below the break site. It’s a twinge and then an ache that gets worse until I get off my leg. If I don’t get pain there then I get pain along the front of my tibia below the centre of my knee.

I can kind of squat. It’s a weird lopsided squat. What usually ends up happening if I have to get low. It usually starts out as a try to squat, but then end up sitting down because it’s still uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

Running isn’t an option yet. When I try to move quickly my muscles don’t remember what to do, and the strength isn’t there to absorb the impact yet. It’s quite awkward.

I can get on all 4s but I cannot kneel due to my limited range of motion. I think now that my bone is healed I should look into yoga. I might try asking the PT next time. Also need to ask out deep water or shallow water exercise.

If I am in pain, elevating my leg and heating or icing tends to help. At night when it does hurt I take a tylenol. If it going to hurt too much to sleep I take Advil nighttime. That stuff is amazing, but I don’t like the way I feel in the morning, because I am pretty groggy at 6:30am. It takes a while for the fog to lift. I suspect that if I could wake at 8:30 or 9:00am I’d be fine. Also you don’t want to take it for more than 5 days in a row. It tends to have depressive side affects if taken over a long period of time. Because of how slow the progression  and mentally taxing this break is one should probably avoid depressive side affects.

I will post my exercises later as I seem to have misplaced my papers in a quick clean up for some unexpected company. It’s probably downstairs in the office.

I only share my progress as a way of getting information out there as well as to document progress. Sometimes it’s hard to see how far you have come. When I look up my fracture there isn’t much in the way of timelines or therapies, especially in the kind of TPF that I have. I was lucky in that it was non-diplaced and my ligaments seem to be fine. Don’t hate me. However, it is still a difficult long hall and many times I have moments of frustration and doubt. when I read that 2 years out some are not back to normal it gets hard. I thought if I documented my journey someone else may gain hope or peace of mind. They may also share what worked for them. If you came here because you too have a TPF you have my sympathy. God speed your recovery and may you get the best outcome possible.

 

 

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We Shall Be Like him

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I don’t know how many times I have read Maroni 7, but I do know it’s been over a handful. It is one of my favourites. A discourse on Faith, Hope and Charity. This morning, although the roaring virtual fireplace was going, and I was awake. My mind couldn’t focus. It wan’t until we were almost 3/4 of the way into the chapter, that I realized we were reading THAT chapter. I kind of felt shame and tried harder to focus.

Faith, Hope and Charity are beautiful things. Colourful happy virtues in a world of Angry grey. I often think of these virtues in colours and I don’t low why or where that came from.

Faith I see a warm yellow or a pure white. When you have faith there is more clarity, there is more peace. Faith in the right things is enlightening.

I often relate the colour blue to Hope. I find the colour blue a strong one, yet relaxing. A blue mornIng sky shows promise. I don’t know much about hope. It is so interwoven with faith that it is hard to separate. Maybe they aren’t supposed to be separate.

Charity is red because Charity is Love. But it is more than love. I think sometimes we lose the meaning of charity when we replace it with the word love.

But this is not what I got from this particular chapter in the Book of Mormon today.

I can’t help but think the would would be so much better if we would practice these, especially Charity.  Not just the charity of giving to the poor but the Charity of no gossip, of giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. The Charity of listening and choosing the best interpretation of what one was saying especially when it opposite to what your opinion is. The Charity of letting go or arguments and realizing they are pointless. Have you notice, after an argument, nothing is resolved. You have said your piece, but you have no peace. You haven’t changed anyones mind, and you haven’t heard the other person because you are too busy being right.

But that also isn’t what I got out of this chapter today either.

Since I only tuned in at the end, I only got the end and for some strange beautiful reason it was enough. Shame is gone.

         “48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.”

Time to pray. That too is important.

Human Lab: DIY Dry Shampoo Results

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So back in April, I decided to try out a dry shampoo recipe that is floating around the internet. I’m in my 4th month and we haven’t really hit the sweatiest time of year, but things seem to be going great. I have to admit this is a hard one for me to wrap my head around. Who puts food in their hair? Really?! IT reminds me of that brief time in middle school where I studied a bit of European history. One thing that really stands out was the powdered wigs and how everyone had lice. YUCK! I know it wasn’t the powder that caused the lice. Clearly this is a classic case of guilty by association, but I can’t help it. Anyway, I managed to push through and give it a try.

I am happy to report my head is still bug free and the shampoo seems to get me an extra day between washings. Yes I still use regular shampoo. The Redken colour safe one to be exact. This just helps me to treat my hair a little gentler with less processing. Remember if you are going to give this a try don’t go crazy with the application. You wouldn’t want to have frozen hot chocolate running down your head in the rain. Apply just enough powder mixture to absorb the excess oil. I’m looking forward to the summer and seeing how it works.

 

My House Hunting meltdown is over…for now.

Husband has asked me to stop looking at the MLS system. It seems I have been a little hard to live with. I should probably stop listening to the news as well because they seem to either think there is an unsustainable bubble in the housing prices or that it’s so healthy that this will last a long time. In the meantime quotations of how this time is so like the market in 2006 are everywhere and well I can’t do anything about it.

I had faith, when I started, that my short laundry list of wishes would be met. Hey if anyone could do it God could do it. Lets just say my faith wavered and to protect my heart I need to listen to my husband. There is nothing I can do for the next while anyway.

Instead I will have a meltdown of a new kind. The in-laws are coming and I have been trying for the last week to get my kids to clean. Apparently I am a push over because they just kinda shrug me off and go about their business (games and tv ) as if I didn’t say a thing. I dole out punishments and take stuff away and still the house is a mess. I normally scream and yell into submission but that isn’t working and supposedly I gave yelling up for Lent. Ugh when is Easter? Stress Level is back to high now. Seriously though how did this happen? I used to wield so much power and now everything I say is taken like a suggestion, including when to eat.

Actually I have almost given up on having a clean house and decided that my in-laws will love me in spite of my children and my house. They have to, they are stuck with me. Actually they don’t have to, that too can be taken as a suggestion, but they are stuck with me.

One day, I will look back on this time and think man what was my problem? Or hopefully I will laugh. Sooner rather than later would be nice but maybe to help the way along I should take down a lucky nickel or quarter and use it in vegas. Gambling is so against every cell in my body but a quarter or a nickel wouldn’t hurt? Would it? I guess you can ask me again when I enter rehab.

Oh yeah, Husband and I are going to vegas soon. We have been married 16 years (that went fast) Gretchen Rubin says “the days are long, but the years are short” It’s so true, especially this week. Silly spring break has been hijacked by a persistent winter so the days have been terribly long and with that unproductive due to the aforementioned shrugging off of responsibilities. Don’t you just wish that sometimes you could give up all responsibilities? Perhaps this is my midlife crisis or my terrible coping mechanism to stress. Maybe I should take up running 😛 Again or better.

Clearly this is a stream of consciousness entry so maybe I should just end here before I say something stupid.

 

Resolved or At Least Thinking About It.

 

How is that for commitment? Hmmm maybe that should be my resolution, making a decision and committing. Maybe. Anyway. I don’t like the idea of resolutions and yet I do. I like having a marked set of time, a measurable deadline to which one could be held accountable. I don’t like new years resolutions because everyone else is doing them and then not doing them. I don’t want my goals lost in the noise and because no one else is doing them, feel no drive to complete them. I don’t want to be a lemming. This need to not be one of the crowed has often kept me from doing things that would probably be good for me or enjoyable and yet I crave blending in and not being apart of a spotlight. It must be really hard to be me, but I don’t know anything else so….

Back to the goals.

1. Save Money: My last post was a chart that has a plan to save a significant amount of money. Already put my $1 in an account last week. So far so good.

2. Bake More: This one goes again almost every cell that is in my body. I have a fear that if I bake I will eat it, but after spending $200 in the last 3 days (not a regular shopping run) I need to do it. My kids (2 teenage boys and a growing 6 year old) are eating in such volumes that I cannot afford to run to the store to save time to buy snacks so that they can be filled. I also believe that if I save more where the food is concerned then we can have some exciting experience.

3. Start Lifting weights: Last year was a milestone birthday. I went to the doctor for a checkup and she came in and told me my warranty was up. I thought it was funny…sort of. Anyway she is a bit older than me so I guess she would know. I have read and anecdotally found that as you get older the ability to get to a healthy weight by burning cardio disappears. I also hate milk and I need to fight osteoporosis to heavy lifting is my plan. I had an assessment done. I am lucky that I can trade favours for this personal training. Today I don’t go to yoga because my legs (inner thighs) hurt so bad and I’m running tomorrow hopefully. I’m a little nervous that my actually work out will leave me unable to walk.

4. Be more Prayerful: I have been spiritually coasting, it feels like, for the last while. I’m a believer but I kind of feel more of an acquaintance relationship with my maker than I would like. I want to feel more. I would like to turn more over to the Saviour. He has asked my to do it and promised burdens will be lighter and who doesn’t want that?

So these are my hopes for the next year. If I added more I think that I would be setting myself up for failure. I am worried this might be too much but I’m going to be kind to myself and if I run to the store to quickly get some muffins because I didn’t have time to make food, I’m going to cut myself some slack.

 

 

Savings

There is so much that can be accomplished by little things. If I told you that you needed to save over $1000 in one year and money felt tight, you might say impossible. Others might say easy peasy lemon squeezy. Here is a blog post that breaks it down into simple achievable goals. The trick is to remember. This is something I’m going to try to do. I have already transferred my first dollar for my first week.  Here is hoping to have extra money to buy a sofa (or a camera lens) at the end of the year. What would you spend an extra “$1000-ish” on?

52 Week Money Challenge found on pinterest

The last few weeks scare me so maybe I’ll spread those out or maybe I’ll do the average like some others have suggested. Good Luck Everyone.

allowing myself to “be still”

Being Still. This thought has come to my mind so often this past month. It seems I am not the only one. And although the words may not mean exactly the same thing to everyone for we are all in our own experience, I believe there is a reason why and it’s universal. The words come from a scripture in psalm 46:10. “Be Still and know that I am God”. Isn’t that is why we are here?

The picture in the header is from the last time that I took for myself on my own. It was a saturday run, but I was alone. I am usually not alone. It was hard and it was beautiful. The picture doesn’t do it justice. I wasn’t going to do this run, because there wasn’t anyone else around and it was “cold”. I laugh at the word cold because it’s all relative. Today is COLD with a windchill warning. Windchill warning only come out after the temp is below-40. Notice I didn’t put an F or a C because that doesn’t matter. It’s the same.

Anyway the run was an opportunity for me to prove to myself that I could do it, but it was actually so much more. It was an opportunity to fill myself up. To see the beauty of the earth, while feeling gratitude for being allowed to see it. It was an opportunity to commune with my saviour, to know I was precious to him and he was mindful of me, to know that I could do hard things. My runs don’t usually do that. They are usually a release. But He knew what I needed.

Shortly after that everything kinda fell apart. My routine and schedules, my personal time has all gone to the wayside. Everyone in the wonderland home is fine. We are all fine, but a neighbour to the wonderland household is not and consequently much is required of me. Much more than I ever thought possible. It’s been hard to watch this loved one. It has been hard to give up what I had just recently got. It’s been hard. At it’s peak I started to internalize some of the stress. I stopped eating, I started to dry heave and had a bit of a public break down. And yet the whole time I could feel someone supporting me. I hope that is how my loved one feels.

Someone said to me just sit back and watch the miracles happen. And although it hasn’t felt much like sitting there have been miracles. I wish I could talk about them but it’s still new and raw and we are in the thick of it. I know it’s not over and that thought tires me, and I feel guilty for that. I wish I was more but I’m not. Perhaps that is part of the plan. If I was more, I wouldn’t have the need for the miracles and there is teaching in the miracles. If I was more then I wouldn’t need God or at least I would think I didn’t need God. There are things that I have learned. I have learned that when we are good (because bad things happen to good people too.)  God doesn’t take our trial away, but surrounds us with people to help lift the burden. I have learned at times I need to be still and trust that he knows what is going on. I need to trust that he has a hand in this and loves all his children. Even the mean ones. They are mean because they are hurting too. I may not understand why or how, but I do know, that through this things will be better. I’ve been promised they will be. I just have to be still.

Banana Oatmeal Pancakes

Breakfast is hard for me. It’s hard for my family. I believe in breakfast but I’m not awake and not hungry. Neither are the boys, except for Tweedle D, he is always hungry. I’ve also noticed what my kids eat for breakfast really affects their focus at school and their ability to tolerate the day. This sucks, because it’s so easy to give them chocolate hazelnut spread or hand them a box of cereal and let them “make breakfast”.

So in my divine quest to feed my children better and make breakfast, we have tried some new things.  We have tried baked oatmeal, which is liked best out of all the oatmeals, but receives about a 3 out of 5 on the likeness scale. That will do once in a while, but it’s also important that my kids actually get the food in their bellies so I like to go with proven winners. This is where Banana Oatmeal Pancakes come in. They are quicker than french toast, gluten free, refined sugar free, and depending on the milk/ yogurt you use it can be dairy free. It has 3 eggs so it has a the protein needed to help my boys feel fuller and stay focused through the day. I got the recipe from here. She has the cute pictures if you need to see how they look. She also has many recipes that are fantastic so I would recommend checking her out anyway. Here is the recipe.

1Cup Milk (I use silk almond milk, but you can use what you have)

1/2 Cup Greek yogurt (I use whatever I have on hand even if it is flavoured)

2 Tablespoons Lemon juice

3 Large Eggs

1 teaspoon Vanilla

1 Banana

2 cups Large Flake Oats

1 Tablespoon Chia Seeds

1 Tablespoon Honey

1/2 Teaspoon Sea Salt (or whatever salt you have on hand)

1/2 Teaspoon  Baking Soda

2 Teaspoon Baking Powder

Place all ingredients, except the last 3, in a blender (I have a crappy one and this still works) and let it run. Then add the salt, baking soda and baking powder and give it a quick blend. In the past I’ve put it all in at the same time and it still worked. Cook on a hot griddle and stay close by because these seem to cook faster than normal pancakes. At least the cook faster at my house. Top with yogurt berries or maple syrup. Delicious. Each pancake, if you make the smaller ones is roughly 90 calories. The batch I made this morning made 16 but they were not all the same size. Close. Thats why it’s roughly 90 calories.

True Story

IYesterday, I posted, on Facebook, that I was going to put a little reminder up that how I treat my family has consequences and I should be held accountable.

A blogger that I follow, posted a picture of a note her husband had left for himself. It said “God, Treat me tomorrow, how I treat my wife and family today.” I thought it was brilliant so I made a similar note, taped it to the mirror and placed it in the bathroom. I also thought it would be good for the tweedles to see. Maybe in a passive subconscious way they could apply it to themselves.

Anyway, today started off alright. I was getting some work done. I had planned to do some random service and was being an all around great individual. Yeah, yay me. Totally awesome. At about 1:45 when I was finishing some errands, I rolled down my window to use hand signals, because yesterday I found out my turning signal wasn’t working. As I rolled it up I saw this.

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I couldn’t help but think. Why Heavenly Father!? Why? We just replaced this window about a month ago. How am I supposed to get out of the job that I have and move into a home of my own if you keep on throwing expensive stuff like this, at me? Needless to say I didn’t get an answer, but truthfully I wasn’t looking for one. I just wanted to wallow and whine and there was no one else around to hear it. I tried to put it out of my mind. I then went to pick up the kids from school.

I got to the school early, chatted with some people about the flood and how they are recovering. Talked about showing apartments. Made a plans for a play date. Made running plans. Posed for an action shot taken by Tweedle 3’s classmate. By the time I got back to the car, my crappy feelings about the window were minimal. I figured I would just have to deal and perhaps it was covered under warranty. I got the kids in the car, turned the key in the ignition, and…. nothing. The radio was still working, the air was blasting, all the lights were on, but engine was kill switched.

You see when your key fob deprograms there is a safety feature that keeps the car from being taken by a random key. How do I know this happened? There is a little red circle that appears on the dashboard, blinks for a bit then remains solid. It’s happened once to me before with one of our set of keys. The bad thing is that we were on our last set of keys. New keys cost lots.

Cue internal whining.

I had to keep it together for my kids, because sadly the mother sets the tone. My kids are easily affected by the tone. Ugh. I had little time to solve some problems pretty fast. First I needed to get them home. Then I needed to find a way to get them to their activities, then I needed to get the car to a place where it can be fixed. A car with a broken window is better than no car. All were easily solved and actually I had more offers of help than I needed.

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Anyway later this evening after breaking the news to Husband who is out of town, seriously why do things like this always happen while the Mad Hatter is out of town? Remember April, when he was in Vegas and I was getting my wallet stollen. No? Well it’s a true storey. I was whining, sort of, to my neighbour about the irony of my putting this note up and the universe kicking me in the teeth. I didn’t actually think God was punishing me for how I treated my family the day before, because for one, I tried really hard, and two I don’t actually think he would do that. I just found it ironic.

Since there was nothing I could do about it I decided to stop dwelling on the matter, and get back to work. While all this was happening I got about 10 phone calls about an apartment that I listed yesterday as well as 3 texts. I needed to return those messages. But low and behold someone needed my help and child needed to be read to and a person needed to be talked to and I was kind of annoyed that I wasn’t getting my work done but kind of not because I hate showing apartments. It seems that I was pretty much in a state of unsettledness until my phone died and the kids got to bed.

I walked into the bathroom looked at the mirror and said to myself, did I really deserve what I got today? Then I tried to think of how maybe I was blessed. Well I had a friend who dropped everything she was doing, drove me and my kids home, offered to take Tweedle D to his evaluations and offered me the use of her vehicle, almost against my will, so I could make my appointment. As we were loading the kids in her car, another friend, offered her services including taking Tweedle 3. Although I didn’t take her up on it, it was nice for the offer. Then another friend graciously drove Tweedle E to his activity. Then the AMA tow truck driver waved the extra fee for the extended KMs to the dealership. Then he gave me a ride home, even though I protested a bit. After that my schedule for tomorrow kind of opened up a bit more than I expected and I won’t be so weigh-laid during the time I need to be with my kids and their homework.

That is when the still small voice came to my mind saying. “Alyson, this car stuff was all going to happen to you anyway, it didn’t matter how you treated your family yesterday, but I sent you people to make it easier on you. and I made a way for you to still do your job and be with your kids while the Mad Hatter is out of town. That was how I treated you well”

And that also is a true story.

a walk around the garden

Spring is here. Finally. This past week I have been raking and digging and cleaning and planting and raking some more. Working outside is so therapeutic for me. It’s something I need. As life would have it terrible news has come to my ears once again and I got sad.  Actually its multiple situations, some more sad than others, but it takes on a cumulative affect.

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IMG_1270Working outside gives me peace. I can see my progress. I also learn a lot about life. We all of weeds. Sometimes you gotta dig deep to get them out. You have to get right down to the root, otherwise they just keep coming back. You know what else I learned, you need water. It’s so much easier to get at those weeds if the soil is wet. So cry if you have too.

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(Do you see the pretty dandelion garden I have going on?)

There is so much left to do in my garden. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. There is so much pruning and garbage picking and raking and fertilizing left to do.

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But then I stop and can see little hints of beauty that keep me going.

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But if it’s really bad, then I just look up.

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