Plateau

I haven’t been on here for a while. I’d like to say it’s because I have been off galavanting around doing the most fun things and then falling into bed exhausted too tired to write. But I haven’t. I can’t. The summer began quickly. On July 1st the family borded a plane to NY to visit my sister and take in all the sites we could cram in the next week or so. We splashed in the atlantic, saw a lighthouse, walked central park, took the subway, went to the Met (museum), top of the rocked, bottom of the rocked, coney islanded, port jeffersoned, battery parked, 4th of julyed, 5th of julyed. It was fast, it was busy and when we got of the plane in Calgary it felt like we hadn’t even gone. That is where the Galavanting ended.

Shortly after our return home, I was feeling sluggish and piggish and decided to go for a quick run before taking the kids to swimming lessons. 3/4 of the way in, I took a tumble. Leg broken (I think it’s my tibial plateau) and mobility compromised. I was told six weeks-ish and that is tomorrow. I don’t see the doctor for another week though and from what I have read, 7 weeks isn’t really long enough. Ugh. I really wonder why they call us patients because honestly I don’t have any. I make a terrible shut in and have moments of intense self pity. Those mostly come when I am by myself and thinking about how my body will never be the same. Will I run again? Can I ride a bike?

The worst part is, when anyone asks me what happened, I realize more and more how in the dark I am about my condition. As I said earlier I think it’s the tibial plateau, but I don’t know for sure. I haven’t even seen the x-rays. I feel stupid. Now I am also scared and nervous. In one week what are they going to say? Questions come well after the initial appointment and there is no one to ask. What if they were wrong? what if it’s slightly displaced and I have to start all over? What kind of time table am I looking at for healing? Will there be physio? Do I schedule that with my family doc? How far should I be able to bend my knee? I don’t really think in my state of mind right now I can take bad news.

The worst news would be starting all over. Bad news would be keep doing what I’m doing (no driving, no getting out, basically sit in my house all day). One, no matter how strong they are, can’t get very far on crutches with no weight baring. I need to be able to drive. My job needs it, my mental state needs it and my family needs it.

I have a list of things I want to do when I can get around more. I want to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair done. It’s been a while and I feel kind of shaggy. I also want to be able to put on pants. Summer is almost over and it gets cold quick here.

I try to think positively, and the more I am around people, the more that is possible. Unless they are my kids who are so bored and all they do is fight, then I am pitiful. I try to remind myself that it could be worse. I am grateful it’s not winter. I am grateful my new house doesn’t have as many stairs. Yes I have a new house, but the shine of it has been shadowed by my leg. As far as I know, my ligaments are fine. I also have a husband that is very patient and my boys are having to learn how to do things. Thinking positively is hard. I am beyond the why me stage, but the monotony of this knocks me a little lower each day. Maybe I need a new book to read.

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