Seriously do I only come here to complain? I am a happy person, honestly. I do happy things things, but then I don’t post them or I think I do happy things but then don’t post them and consequently forget them. How sad.
Unfortunately, today I am sad. Again. I don’t think its a depression for I don’t remember waking sad and yesterday I was not sad. Exhausted, but not sad. My sad is for a loss. No one was died, but it sometimes feels that way. If I had the courage I might actually write this letter, but courage fails me now. I am afraid if I write this letter it will make things worse and I will lose even more.
People are aloud to make their own choices and choose their own path. I understand that in theory, but I am human and I had dreams. Sure they were not YOUR dreams, and you never knew about them, so how can you be held accountable. I’m pretty sure my dreams that included you were not within my jurisdiction so again how can you be held accountable. And yes those dreams were very unlikely so what’s the big deal right? The big deal was they were happy hopeful dreams and they were possible up until moments ago and now they are not.
You are right. Its your life. I am not denying that. I’m not even going to fight you about it, because no matter what I will say it won’t make a difference. at least not right now. But you will have to excuse me if I don’t jump for joy at your decision. What you may have forgotten is the journey that brought you to this point was a process that took months, maybe even years. It may have been a painful one too, but you have wrestled and come out on the other side. I only heard it a short time ago and I too need to process.
I said you could tell me anything and I stand by that. I will still love you. I will still listen to your Journey, because that is what friends do. Thats what family does, but if it hurts me you cannot fault me for that. Remember my dreams. They died just moments ago and I am grieving, I am grieving because I care.