Why?

Mine is the one on the right.

Last year I put this picture in the front of a binder that was to keep me organized with all his meetings for school. It was there to remind me that he is a person that I LOVE. It was also there to remind the teachers and administration of the sweet boy that he is. I don’t know if it did that, but I tried.

Often those meetings would highlight his deficiencies with a smattering of what’s good about him. Inevitably I would come away feeling a little frustrated even sad. He is not a bad person we would all agree. In fact most of the things that get in the way of his leaning, if used properly, would serve him well in life, but I just couldn’t help feeling a failure or resentful. I couldn’t help asking “Why can’t he just be normal? Other kids don’t have this problem.” Now you see why I had the picture.

You see he isn’t really a problem in the classroom. He doesn’t talk back, he doesn’t yell or wiggle too much. He is just easily distracted, mostly by people or things. He also had this streak in him that my sister likes to call “street smarts.” He, in the past has figured out how to charm people in to getting what he wants, or getting out of doing something he doesn’t want. Unfortunately what was cute and funny at 3 doesn’t fly at 9 or 10. This led to what I call “Crisis Homework” (intense sessions of homework that are to make up for months worth of work in a weekend.) Needless to say his work wasn’t his best.

Combine this with the lack of help in a large class room and you get my son falling through a crack.

I didn’t make this decision on my own. I gave him the option at the beginning of the summer and a week before school started he decided to stay home. I contemplated sending him to a different school. I even downloaded the registration for an all boys school that was opening this September, but as I was filling out the form I got this sickening feeling like its not going to make a difference. The fact of the matter remains that the school board  has a deficit and aids are the first to lose their jobs. That mean that my quiet boy would be going to school and missing it.

Why Now?

The sooner I start the less affected socially and academically he would be if I messed up.

His work was just beginning to slide and I couldn’t let it go much further before he made the jump to Junior High.

I also didn’t want to be on the other side with him hating school, feeling stupid or worse and realize that I could and should have done something. The only excuses I would have would be fear and selfishness. I was, after all, “this close to freedom.” My sister often reminds me that “our children are given the mommies they need” and it was time for this mommy to step up.

Believe me this was a very hard decision and in the quiet times, when I am aloud to think, I wonder if it was right. It’s only been three days and I can’t help but feel that I might not be equal to the task. That might have something to do with the fact that my language arts books haven’t arrived, and I find a lack of books in the areas I want to study for science and social studies. There is a strong pull in the American, Christian, Divine movement and a real lack of basic science and Canadian history. But then again I just started so I could be misinformed.

I am a smart girl. I can do this.

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8 thoughts on “Why?

  1. You *are* a smart girl and you *can* do this. I know it hasn’t been an easy decision for you and we’ve talked about it off and on the last few years, if I recall correctly. Everyone has to do what they have to do to make it the best situation for their child. It’s so heartbreaking to watch your child fall through the cracks or outright fail. However, you’re not just watching it happen. You are taking a stand and making a difference. And that is another reason why Alyson is my #1 mom that I try to emulate.

  2. You REALLY can do this!!! You are a smart girl and an awesome Mom! Wow, what an amazing advocate for their child and what love I can feel in this post. Keep it up! We will be praying for you and your sweetie.

  3. Well, first of all your sister comes out smelling like a rose in this post and second of all you CAN do it!! You ARE a smart girl and your baby DID come to the right mommy. If you need to delegate certain material searches reach out to others. While you are mentoring E into book smarts – you can have some help researching curricula. For example, I’d love to put my oar in, if you had a need and were open to it.
    PS that is such a cute picture.

  4. This is going to be a steep curve for both of you, but, just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it is wrong. You’ll totally get into a rhythm and find what works best for you guys. I’m sure there will be many moments where you realize how grateful you are for trying this. Does this mean I should not call you during the day?? Maybe wait until evenings to chat?

  5. Wow. Just…wow. It is hard, dealing with schools, getting your child what is necessary for his success. I can see why you would choose this route. Good moms can’t sit by and do nothing, and you are a good mom. Your wonderful boy will benefit from your intervention and will grow to be a loving, contributing member of society. This is the hope we all have for our kids, right? You can do this!

  6. I suspect that our greatest challenges are our greatest opportunities for growth…I heard that somewhere… 😉
    (I’d rather read a good book myself)
    Your awesomeness is inspiring!

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