Broken Heart, Broken Boy

Friday we found out Tweedle E has ADHD. I am not completely convinced that he is all that bad. I am not against medication, but since there seems to be a propensity for drug abuse in my family I am a little leery. I have a lot to read. I will be using coping mechanisms for now but I am told that this particular route is the least effective. There is a feeling of urgency to decide because he is still falling behind in school. We have started some modifications but they cannot open an IPP (personal learning plan) until they receive documentation (which I forgot to ask for).

The thing is he is a clever boy. He gets the concepts most of the time. I just don’t think that the classroom structure is conducive to his learning. He is easily distracted. The classroom is a 1/2 split (they only have split classes) and they almost have a different teacher for each subject so they are constantly moving from classroom to classroom. Then there is the accordion wall that is constantly being opened and closed. Guess where my son is currently sitting, Right next to the accordion wall.

Then there is the guilt. Don’t get me wrong I am happy that there is resources out there for me to access that may help him, but I mourn that loss of the boy I thought he would be. I also can’t help but think that I may have done something that might have triggered this. Maybe if he watched less T.V., maybe if he ate better, maybe he wouldn’t have this challenge. It has been said that ADHD children, if left alone, withdraw from society and become depressed. That scares me because my family tends to lean towards depression. I grew up in a household with depression. Depression has robbed me of a parent or two. I don’t want that for Tweedle E.

I guess I have some work to do and sitting around whining about it isn’t going to change things. Action will. I need to help him because he cannot help himself. I am his advocate who else is going to be.

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8 thoughts on “Broken Heart, Broken Boy

  1. Mourn. Mourn for as long as you need to. If you don’t, you’ll rob him of the mother he needs.

    I know that with the advice of professionals, your own research, and prayer, you will find the right solution for your son, and you will have the boy you thought you would. He is very lucky to have you as a mother.

  2. I picked up on this, “but I mourn that loss of the boy I thought he would be”, I understand you mourn for what you thought he would be, now begin to pray for what he should be. I have a form of ADHD called “over focus” and I’ve had it all my life. I am married, have a wife and a beautiful daughter and consider myself successful.

    Although ADHD can be very difficult, it has also unlocked some great potential in me being that I’m able focus so much energy into problem solving and deep introspection, I’ve learned to use it as a tool rather than see it as a nuisance. It’s also extremely important to find out which diet works best with your Childs brain chemistry. Exercise and fitness are extremely important for me keeping the energy in my body consistent otherwise I’m all in my head and as your child grows older it will be important for him to stay physically healthy.

    Most importantly give your child lots of love, be patient, be confident in their abilities.

    Michael

  3. I must ask if you have had a second opinion on this diagnosis. I am not at all suggesting that you pretend the problems don’t exist, or that you don’t need to look into options, but my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago. I sought a second and then a third opinion. ADHD is one of the most over diagnosed things out there. Turns out, M doesn’t have ADHD, she has other issues that we can better deal with now that we know more. Learn all you can, pray, and most of all don’t give up on him or who he can become. ADHD is not the end of the world, he could still be a functioning happy child. I will add my prayers to those that are already being uttered in your behalf.

  4. Thank you everyone for our support. It made me cry. (Not hard to do lately) I have not sought a second opinion but I might. I have to make an appointment for my sick kids to get there lungs checked out and I might make an appeal to the family doctor.

  5. The thing is, April’s child was much younger, and a girl. It was absolutely right in that case to question the diagnosis. But in your case, I’m wondering how much time and energy it will take you to go that route. By all means seek a second opinion, if it’s easy, quick, and inexpensive for you to do that. But I have done a lot of research on ADHD (both book-learning and “experience”) and I actually wanted to tell you a while ago to look into it as a possibility for your son.

    Regardless, I would advise you to get involved with the process at the school right away, even if you are seeking a second opinion. If you don’t start getting accommodations (find out if there’s a quiet room available for him to take his work; also, he needs to move to sit near the teacher, or away from the distraction of that accordian wall anyway), he’ll fall farther behind. Then it’s more work for you to get him caught up.

    My family doctor was quite willing to tell me that ADHD is overdiagnosed, and my son would be fine and everything would sort itself out in the long run. He did tell me that. But that “opinion” didn’t get the classroom work done. It was me helping with the homework, getting the accommodations in place through the IEP, and “teaching the teacher” about my son.

  6. These other comments are so helpful and insightful – very good advice. Don’t forget that public school is not your only option. If you find it not working for him, I KNOW you would do great at homeschool and trust me, it’s not “too hard.” The thought may be overwhelming, but don’t rule it out until you try it. We think it’s great! Our love to you all.

  7. I feel your fear and pain. This entry hits very close to home for me right now. I know nothing other than it’s so sad to think how this can affect our children if left unchecked. The A.D.D. Book by William Sears is one I’ve been looking at. Not sure if you’ve read it yet.(or even want to) There’s so much information out there, but each child is an individual so it’s back to trial and error. That’s so hard too.
    Fight for your boy. He’s not lost. He just has a different way of learning and staying focussed. He is not bad. Attention challenges and learning difference do NOT make him bad, just not part of the masses. Enjoy his differences, the positive side of things…his creativity, his energy, etc.
    Hang in there.

  8. Pingback: Year in Review « Alyson’s Wonderland

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