I want me to get excited about my life.

Most of the time I’m content and by content I mean meh. There isn’t really all that much I am lacking. I have food to eat, a place to sleep and people to love. However I am feeling like there is something more that I am just not getting. My day consists of running around from room to room, errand to errand, child to child and I have nothing to show for it by the end of the day. I am chasing and never catching. The prospect of doing this for another year makes me tired.

Oh sure I have thought about many other things that I could be doing with my time. I could be going to school, working, working out, discovering my passion etc. but all of those incur costs that I can’t justify right now nor do I have the time as I am already behind on what I need to do. Lets just say if I was working for me I would fire me.

So what does one do when the expectations that are not being met are making one disappointed, frustrated and sometimes guilty? I have tried to make goals to improve. I do it almost everyday, but life gets in the way and I promise myself tomorrow will be better. I believe it’s that gap between expectation and reality that is driving me crazy. Does one just change their expectations? Is that even possible? I’ve been chasing these preverbal carrots for so long everything looks orange. I’m also not sure I want to give my expectations up or trade them in. If I did that (give them up) wouldn’t that just be admitting defeat?

Maybe what I need to do is fine tune my goals. Instead of saying “In 2008 I am going to have a clean house.” I should say, “In 2008 I will not go to bed before I have put my dishes away an wiped down the counters and table.” Or maybe I shouldn’t let myself get away with my time wasting habits. I don’t know what they all are but I’m sure I have a few. Or I should let everyone in on my expectations so that the innocent bystanders don’t get in trouble for unknowingly sabotaging my efforts to reach expectations. Whatever I do it must be different because what I’m doing now isn’t working.

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4 thoughts on “I want me to get excited about my life.

  1. Sometimes when I get feeling like that I take a day off. I don’t do more than the minimal things and I try to find time to read, crochet, go for a walk – just for fun. I don’t know if it’s the same for you as it is for me, but I get feeling like the measure of my existence can be told in a pile of diapers and that is all. Amazingly, when my break is over I work faster at trying to clean the house and play actively with the children and being closer (but never quite there, sadly) to the kind of mother I want to be.

  2. I like your realistic goals, like rather than saying “I’ll have a clean house” you say “I’ll do the dishes and wipe down the counters right after dinner every night.” I think that’s the way to go because it’s the little things that really count and create more time and happiness overall. I think that’s what I’m going to do this year.

  3. There have been so many days when I feel like I am reliving a poopy diaper, mess making/cleaning Ground Hog Day. It gets worse when I spend too much time with the kids at home.
    Right now I’m feeling pretty good after having some extra adults around and fun activities for the holidays.

    When I need inspiration I look to creative outlets…library, art galleries, book stores, blogs. Sometimes that’s what keeps me going. At least in the short term.
    I still don’t get how doing the ‘most important job in the world’ can be so tedious and draining at times.
    Clean floors are nice but they’re never going to fill my soul.

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