Bridging The Gap

This weekend has been one full of emotion. I would like to blame it on the pregnancy hormones and such, but the truth is that we have been to Heaven and Hell this weekend. Nobody died, nobody is even sick, everyone is fine (if fine really ment anything). We are not homeless and we have enough for our needs so what could have possibly been hellish?

As some of you know, we currently live in cramped quarters and have been trying to reduce the stuff we have to make room for Child #3 (affectionatly known as Tweedle 3 for now) We are behind in filing our taxes and I still have about 3 months of paper that I need to go through and organize because I ignored it whilst barfing my brains out for 6 or 7 months. I still have a job to do and kids to take care of and no energy or desire to do any of it. Just when I thought I was finally catching up, Hell’s sewer decided to go through my boys room. Its not that bad, at least it wasn’t sewage but even with the windows open and fans run, their bedroom stinketh. Unfortunately Its too cold right now for the dampness to dry in our basement suite.

There are some positives though. Because my children have a hard time maintaining a clean room we got to rid ourselves of some “stuff”, and now when I send them to their room they don’t want to go so its a real punishment.

I have mostly caught up on the laundry, and the dishes should be caught up by the end of today (they were ignored because of the flood). We will shampoo the carpet tonight purchase more fans and pray that there will be no mold. Hopefully by thursday we will be able to move their stuff back into the bedroom.

Now for the heaven 🙂

We did make it to the temple on Saturday, despite the friday the 13th fiasco. All we could do was let the carpet dry, so why not leave and let it dry while we were somewhere else.

Our ward was having a temple trip and were to do a session at 10:30. We made it with time to spare and to our surprise people my husband and I had not seen for years were there.

My husband served his mission in Arizona and it turns out that one of the son’s of a family that he knew down there is marrying a girl from here. She was going through for the first time and his family came up to support her. It had been 12 years since he had seen them and it was a happy reunion.

At the same time the other young person going through for the first time was one of my sunbeams (3 year old sunday school class) 16 years ago. He is leaving on a mission to Cambodia. When my husband and I came in his parents were so happy and thought it fitting that I be there since I helped start him on his way.I didn’t do much, but that was so welcoming. We got to participate in their special day because we were asked to be the witness couple. And to think that we almost didn’t go. What a lost opportunity that would have been.

Now back to the emotional. On sunday in church (relief society) Our stake President began his “lesson” as he always does. He asks what are the things that have been occupying our thoughts lately. He wanted to know the happy, sad etc. He wanted to know our concerns. It took a little time before some spoke up. I usually just listen but I noticed that there were some similarities in the concerns that were voiced. Something universal.

We are all trying to meet this ideal (the somebody we know we should be), wether it be tha patient mother, excellent worker, or courtious citizen. We see this ideal and then we see the actual and the gap that exisits between the two. Often the gap seems larger than it really is because our ideal, is so “ideal”, and we are harder on ourselves than we should be, to see where we are actually. We want so despirately to bridge that gap, but we are too impatient to do so. I tried saying this, but managed to mix it all up because my pregnancy kicked in and I started to cry and well I was less than eloquent. Don’t worry about me I’m over it now. I don’t feel as rediculous as I did yesterday, hopefully this post may have some redemption in it for me.

Anyway, I don’t have any answers on how to bridge the gap. Perhaps, celebrating our accomplishments (no matter how meager) might be a place to start. So when you calmly deal with your children, co worker etc. Say to yourself “I did something right.” Maybe that might help, because when we see that we are changing, it is easier to believe that we are and then we can become who we believe we are.

Wow am I deep or what. Maybe when Oprah retires I can take over.


6 thoughts on “Bridging The Gap

  1. Wow, did you have a crazy weekend or what?!?

    You know I send all my condolences over the water. We’ve had water problems here, but never anything like yours. I really hope you can get it taken care of before there are residual smells. Or maybe your landlord can replace the carpet? (I don’t know if that’s realistic or not.)

    I’m so glad for the good things: that your trip to the temple was boosted by old friends making good choices, and that even though you couldn’t express yourself at church you’ve come to a new level of understanding. I don’t watch Oprah, so you can be my Oprah and I will take your lesson to heart. I know I often fall prey to feelings of inadequacy.

  2. That is some weekend. I must say thankyou for this post – especially that last part. I had a really tough/rotten afternoon with one of my kids – actually its been a tough week in general – I am grateful for the reminder to focus on the good things – because there really have been a lot of them. 🙂

  3. Thanks Alyson. It must be universal as it was only yesterday that I was on the verge of tears a couple of times during the day as I wasn’t feeling patient & good with my child. By the time my husband was home from work & we discussed our day, I was in tears. It’s so easy to get stuck in the “shoulds” and miss what we are doing right. Thanks for the enlightenment! It’s much needed.

  4. Don’t worry Allison, there are few people I know who could do what your doing right now and we all admire that about you. You are a great mom and a good friend and I hear an animal elsewhere (he he) so what more could you ask for in a person. I think this weekend would be a really good time for a girls night. Let me know what you think.

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