Once Upon a Mattress

Once upon a time there were three boys. A big boy, a middle boy and a not so wee baby boy. The boys were happy and mostly got along but their world was about to change and they don’t seem to like change.

The not so wee baby boy slept in a playpen since the day he was born and now being two sun cycles old he was out growing his “bed”.

The Middle boy slept on a the bottom of a shiny silver bunk bed. He loved this bunk because he could make forts and hide flashlights. He could stay up very late without getting in trouble.

The big boy was a top dweller and desperately wanted his own room with his own bed. Alas his parent could not accommodate his request, for the extra rooms were already occupied.

One day their wicked and selfish mother realized she wasn’t sleeping at night because the not so wee baby boy needed a new place to sleep. So out of her own need for restful zzzzs she went in pursuit of a mattress and a box spring.

The big boy seeing this as an opportunity to further his cause, restated his request with a slight modification. He wanted the new bed. After much discussion a bargain was struck. Only upon excellent condition of the mattress, would he be able to have a new bed. Chances were very low as she was purchasing used goods.

The day of the exchange came and the playpen was packed away and the room organized for the arrival of said mattress. The goods were picked up and in excellent condition. The Big boy won…or did he?

Bed made, pajamas on, the boys made ready to rest. Then suddenly…. Tears! The not so wee baby wished to sleep where is former bed was and yet was not used to wide open spaces. The middle boy, reveling in his new found grown-up-ness earlier was now lamenting the loss of, and I quote, “The only bed I have ever known.” The oldest boy was sad as he was not in his new bed enjoying the luxury of a well maintained mattress. Oh the horror.

The selfish mother needing a good nights rest struck another deal. Tonight everyone will sleep where they are, and on the morrow all will change and all will like it.

And they did. Sort of.

The End

Sun Swallower

I don’t think in all of my life I have ever seen a total Solar Eclipse. I know I have seen Partials but not a total Eclipse where the sky goes dark as if it is night.

The next Total Eclipse to be seen by North America (aside from Hawaii) will be August 21, 2017 in Montana, Idaho area at around 5:00/5:30pm. I think I might have to make a trip in 8 years. It would be fun to celebrate Tweedle E’s Birthday with an Eclipse viewing. He will be 16 then. Crazy!

Earth Sandwich

When Tweedle D was the age of Tweedle 3 he was in the hospital for observation. He was there for about 5 days. They wanted to see how he ate, measure his food and run a whole gamut of tests for he was classified as Failure to Thrive or in other words losing weight. I stayed with Tweedle D pretty much the whole time. I slept at the hospital, ate at the hospital, played at the hospital for I had nothing much else to do. Mr. Wonderful would come in the mornings sometimes and after work, bring me some dinner. When he left for the night our little family would have a family prayer and then a group hug. It started out being called “Group Hug”, but then as the days progressed it evolved in to a “Tweedle D sandwich” (parents on the outside, kid in the middle)

When Tweedle E was old enough he got his own sandwich and again with Tweedle 3.

This morning as the boys were getting ready to go, we hugged each other and said “Earth Sandwich.”

Unfortunately, that was all we did today for Earth Day. It snowed and the plans to spend an hour removing garbage got garbaged. Next year I plan to make these, if I can figure out how to make them more globe-like. Just so you don’t think I am lame, that will also be on top of the garbage cleaning.
Have you hugged your Earth today?

Dear Dollar Giant Employee,

I understand that your concern for shortage isn’t high on the priority list. You are just a body so the store can be open from 6-9. The fact that it took me more than 5 min to find you tells me this. And where did I find you… squatting on the floor playing with sunglasses. I know you would rather be somewhere else. I get it. I’ve been there. Its a pay check. My complaint however is not really about your lack of service.

When a parent takes the trouble to come down to the store to make their little one apologize for stealing, the reaction they are looking for isn’t one of laughter with a side of “thats so cute.” At least you could have feigned disappointment.

We are trying to teach our son that stealing is a big deal. When you tell him he is cute (a comment he has heard far too often in his life from retail people) it undermines us. Then we have to be harder on the child than we were in the first place. This is a less affective method as we look like crazy old people who don’t know what we are talking about because really, what is the big deal, they weren’t mad and stealing doesn’t hurt anyone. Besides I’m cute I can get away with it.

So next time when you see a parent pleading with their eyes for you to say something that will emphasize the seriousness of the situation say something like the following:

“Oh man.” and make a serious face rubbing chin might be good. “This is very serious. I can’t have people who steal coming in my store.” Fold your arms a get at eye level with them too. “Stealing is wrong, it is against the law. People go to jail when they steal. Is that what you want to happen? Do you want to be taken away from you mummy and you daddy and go to jail.” Then stand up and appear as if you are thinking. “I could call the police, but you did come back so I think I will just ban you from the store. You cannot shop here for at least a month.” Use your discretion I would have been fine for a whole year. “And when you come back, if you do steal again I will phone the police.” Then it might even be good to say “I’m also going to tell my other shop owner friends about you and if they see you stealing they will call the police too.”

You don’t have to follow this word for word, but at least do something other than laugh.

Tomorrow I will be coming down again and hopefully your manager will do something more. I don’t want to have to send him a letter too.

Sincerely,

A Parent Who Is Really Trying

Holy Just Ain’t For the Sabbath

I have a routine. On weekdays I pry my lump I call my body out of bed. The family congregates in the living room for some morning scripture study (we sit wiping sleep from our eyes while Mr. Wonderful reads for 2-5 min). The kids then get food provided by my husband and then hopefully get dressed while my fog is still lifting.

However a few days ago, my middle Tweedle couldn’t find a pair of pants to save his soul. Doubting him I decided to take a look, after all I had just completed 8 loads of laundry in the last two days, they gotta be somewhere. I could not find one pair aside from the pair he took of the night before prior to his bath. Those he could not wear because the boy had worn them for three days straight. They could stand up on their own.

Turns out I had separated them into the pile of “to be mended” that “pile” is now two storage bins full. They were created in my attempt to be more self-reliant, less wasteful, resourceful etc.

In the past, these pants had been sorted in to the “pile” but had always been pulled out because alas I had not time to fix them and the boys needed pants. Their school seems to have this pesky no pants no service policy with a side of social services. The holes weren’t that big so it wasn’t that bad.

Now the holes are big enough for a booted foot to fit through. In the summer I would have just cut them off and moved on but this was winter. That would not do.

Now I had a choice, I could pull out my machine and try to mend the grand canyon, wash the dirty ones, or go shopping. I did what any sensible mother would do. I took my unwashed self, loaded up my youngest Tweedles, and went to Wal-Mart, thus perpetuating the image of white trash for my sons were both in Pajamas. Not just any pajamas, but pajamas with holes in the crotch, for they never made it to the “pile” because the boys needed pajamas to wear to bed.

After trying on 12 pairs of pants at three different stores, and plenty of footage for “What Not To Wear” we found two that fit. On from Wally world and the other from The Children’s Place. Turns out not all adjustable waists are created equal.

“And what of the pile?”, you ask. Well sadly those pants still have to occasionally be thrown back in to rotation with out being fixed as I still havn’t a space for my machine and I can’t seem to get on top of the laundry. Thankfully distressed is in.

Talented

The primary party is a talent show. The kids were asked to fill out a sheet with the talent that they will be doing, showing, whatever. Tweedle D decided to play the piano, Tweedle E wrote down climbing. When he was asked by the Primary President about his particular talent he told her she needed to bring a ladder.

We had no clue about any of this until about 30 min. ago when the President called us trying to find out what he would do for his talent. Mr. Wonderful was laughing so hard when he told me he could barely get the words out. The really funny part is Tweedle E was serious.

Modern Nativity

So there we were sitting in church. I pulled out some sheets, that I just happened to have, of the nativity for my kids to colour. I passed Tweedle E his pencil and the first thing he does is draw a Harry Potter scar on the baby Jesus. It was all we could do (my husband and I) to keep from bursting out laughing.

Stuck in the Middle Baby Boy 7 years

Back in August Tweedle E turned 7 and as with everything I am late to getting it posted. 

His 7th year was a tumultuous one with the highs of being a big brother and the lows of being in school. Maybe I am projecting my feelings about his school year too much but the transition from kindergarten to grade one was hard. Lets just leave it at that as he is haveing a great start to second grade.

Tweedle E loves being a big brother, mostly when it suits him, but loves Tweedle 3 non the less. He likes showing him off to friends, likes to be the one to care for him (if it only takes a few minutes), and likes to be the one to help when Tweedle 3 cries. more often than not the crying is a result of some love Tweedle E was trying to give and although it is frustrating for Tweedle 3 and myself, I know it comes from a good heart full of too much love to be contained.

Tweedle 3 has shown an interest in sports and was quite riveted during the Olympics. I think Michael Phelps was one of his heros. He went to soccer camp this summer and was told he was a great defender.

For his birthday we had some family come over and we made pizza one of his favorite meals. He got a sword, a camera, nerf guns and a pillow case. He really worked to get the presents he wanted. When family asked me what he was into I told them starwars stuff or wii stuff but he went around and made sure he got his gun and sword. I’m not against them its just i didn’t know he wanted them.

***** warning might be too much information*******

He also had a check up at the doctors that day so he got a blood test, urine test and a Jelly finger poor boy. I told him to tell his dad (with his finger pointed) that he is one up on him. The joke of course was lost on the poor 7 year old, but I think I made my point. Hahah Get it.

****** begin reading again***************

S-O-C-C-E-R

Today was the first day of soccer camp on the hottest day of the year so far. Thankfully they are only in the morning but by the time I came to pick them up they claimed:

“I am sweating my hair off” (Tweedle D)

“I am sweating to death” (Tweedle E)

Thankfully I got them in time. D still has hair and E is still with us. PHEW what a relief. 

I have to admit I was a little nervous leaving them for 3 hours with an unfamiliar group. E was so scared and shy. I told him I would stay until things got started. In the beginning they were to find and make their own group of three. One person was to be 5,6, or 7, the next was to 8,or 9 and the last was to be 10, 11 or 12. They clung to each other and had a bit of a time finding a third but they did and that is when I left. I did a drive by to make sure Tweedle E was enjoying himself and he was so I did too.

They are so excited to go tomorrow and are a little upset that I didn’t put them in full day. I hope the rest of the week go just as successfully.

Chicken Abuse

I think we sang this for an hour this morning:

I had a little chicken,

that wouldn’t lay an egg.

So I ran hot water up and down his leg.

I ran hot water up and down his leg.

The darn old chicken laid a boiled egg.

A boiled egg, a boiled egg,

The darn old chicken laid a boiled egg.

 

Other versions

Crayon – Coloured egg

Beater – Scrambled egg

Hot oil – Fried egg

Bunny – Easter egg

Coco bean – Chocolate egg

 

And brand new:

Hunter – Poached egg